Vic
by TheGodmother2
Summary: Vic and Walt grapple with their feelings about each other.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi everyone! I have been inspired by reading all the wonderful stories here and this is my first attempt at fanfic. I am a huge fan of the books and the television series. I look forward to reading any reviews you take the time to provide as it will only improve my writing._

_This fanfic is written in the first person from Vic's perspective and intertwines the books and the television series._

No one prepared me for this shit. All the push-ups on the grinder at the police academy, drill instructors screaming at me, discovering my will to survive in hand to hand combat simulations prepared me to be a good cop. I don't take any bullshit. Not from Sean, not from my Mom, and certainly not from some douche on the street but I feel so confused and weak when I am with him and I hate it.

Riding shotgun in the Bullet I am reduced to a 14-year-old teenage girl wondering if he likes me? I find myself craving the silence between us because it's an excuse for me not to say something stupid. I catch myself twisting my hair – just as I am doing now. I jam my hand back down into my lap and twist my wedding ring. The gold band glistens off the bright Wyoming sun scorching through the red clay dirt resting on the Bullet's windshield. I hold my head down trying to think of mundane shit so I can stop thinking about him. We roll to a stop sign and I speak up, "clear right". Walt drives through the intersection and glances at me. He holds his unshaven head still and his steely grey eyes peek over toward me. He holds his look on me. Just long enough for me to feel him. I feel my face flush and I yell inside my head to look out of the window. Ignore him. I close my eyes and think of Philadelphia. I think of shit that has nothing to do with him. I feel him. I hear myself sigh and Walt breaks the dead air, "You alright?"

"Yup, just a little tired." It's a lie and I don't care if he believes me. I look back and catch myself smiling at him but when I do Walt averts his gaze and looks out the driver's side window and the cab is silent once again. A lump in my throat emerges and I stop myself from crying.

No one prepared me for this shit.


	2. Chapter 2

_This incorporates the novels and the television series but picks up the day after, "A Good Death Is Hard to Find"._

I am not going to push. Vic is strong and she can think on her own. She can take care of herself as a matter of fact she does a damn good job of it. When she is ready to talk to me she will. I want her to. I want her to let me in. I want, no I need, to take care of her. Vic sits at her desk banging on the keyboard with a wicked determination. She's gonna kill that thing. I am pleased when I look at her. Pleased, what an odd emotion. I am a happy version of satisfied. Vic looks up over her shoulder and catches my stare. I smile and quickly look away feeling the warmth invade my face.

I get back to work but Vic invades my thoughts as I try to sort out what the hell is going on? I haven't called Lizzie and I need to. How can I explain to her what I don't understand myself? As I force myself to think about what I have spent a considerable amount of effort to bury I hear my office door slam shut.

"Hey, Walt, what the fuck is up? Are you planning on telling me what all that crazy shit was at your cabin last night? I'm sittin' out there trying to figure this shit out and I don't know Walt. I don't know what the fuck to think. You got any suggestions?"

"I suggest deputy that you get back to your desk and get to work."

"Fuck you, Walt. You are not getting off this easy." I could see tears swell but refuse to fall from her piercing eyes. She is not going to allow me to escape. I am trapped in my office just like I was trapped on Cloud Peak last winter. Facing Shade was considerably easier than facing the pissed off little Italian in my office.

I turned and faced her careful not to close the distance between us, "Vic, I really don't know what to say about what happened last night. I don't know what Lizzie was thinking and you know…I…I…need to talk to her because she has it all wrong, Vic."

Vic folded her arms tightly across her breasts and refused to let her tears fall. She stepped forward and held my gaze. "Ok, Walt. If that's how you want to leave it."

She turned on her heel to walk away from me. I grabbed her elbow and turned her into me. "Leave it! Do you have any idea Victoria how hard I fight to leave it….to abandon my thoughts to forget the dreams you penetrate….to leave behind my need to protect you and to love you." I could feel the tension in her body but she didn't move. I pulled her closer and held her to me. The warmth of her breath permeated the space between our bodies as the words tumbled out, "Vic, I can't have you. You don't belong to me and as much as I want you….and I do want you Victoria Moretti….we can never have this conversation again."

Vic stayed in my arms and the teardrop landed on my chest. She pulled away from me and as Vic reached for the door she looked at me wiping her eyes. My face was hot and it was hard for me to breath. Her scent lingered with me. "You're right, Walt. We can never have this conversation again because I don't need you to tell me you want me. I need you to show me you love me."


	3. Chapter 3

There it was. Plain. Straight. "Show me you love me." I felt like I was hit by a truck and the truck backed up and hit me again. Vic walked out of my office and made a bee line out of the door. I looked out of my office windows allowing the morning sun to drench my face as I interrogated my subconscious asking myself why I had never bothered to call Lizzie? I never thought to call her before Vic spent the night. When she showed up last night and blew up I did not have the impulse to go after her and I still haven't picked up the phone. It sure is nice to have such a lovely lady want me and want my company because the two don't always go together.

I decided to drive out to Lizzie's place and talk to her face to face. She deserves better than a phone call from me. I turned to grab my hat and coat and saw Vic's distinctly feminine frame walk across Main St and into the Busy Bee. My stomach reminded me that I had not eaten but it was full of anxiety so no room for food.

My chair moaned as I sank my frame into it and folded my legs beneath the chair. It's a bad habit. One that marks the tips of my ropers but I have done it for years and never think to stop until I do it again. I leaned back in my chair trying to collect my thoughts and get my breath steady. I was embarrassed over my admission to Vic and overwhelmed by hers.

Laughter from the front brought my head around and relieved me from my thoughts. I gathered up my coat and hat poked my head out of my office. I was surprised to see Vic was sitting at her desk with a huge Styrofoam box open and a mountain of French fries smothered in Dorothy's homemade chili. She was picking up a fry with her fingers, her head tilted back, eyes shut, mouth wide open and dropping the delicacy into her gaping hole. Just as she released the fry and smiled like a sneaky cat, she opened her eyes and moaned while I stood there and stared. Her eyes caught mine and the smile disappeared her entire face went blank and turned a luminous red. She closed up the box and looked away. Ruby, the Ferg and Branch were all laughing about some joke the Ferg heard last week. I don't think anyone else was paying attention to my deputy blushing from embarrassment.

What kind of woman is, Vic? Just moments ago she stood a few inches from me when it all poured out of me and she wasn't embarrassed. I catch her delight in a chili fry and she turns 15 shades of red. I put on my 10x beaver felt and started toward the door when Ruby called after me.

"Walt, where you headed?"

"Headed out to talk to a friend."

"Which friend? I know it's hard to believe sometimes but you have more than one."

"Lizzie's. Be back in a bit." I kept walking as I dropped Lizzie's name. I know what kind of woman Lizzie is; she is a good woman but she is not Vic. As I got in the Bronco, I thought to myself, there it is plain and straight.


	4. Chapter 4

The Bullet rattled and thumped along the county road. I tried, like all of us do I guess, to rehearse what I was going to say to Lizzie. I didn't really know how I felt other than confused. I figured I would just say that. I'm no good at all this emotional touchy feely stuff anyway. Martha used to gently remind me that the soft stuff is ok but it just wasn't my natural inclination. Wrong generation I suppose. Martha would just look at me, a little disappointed, and say, "Still waters…..Walt Longmire….still waters." She knew my love ran deep and that I would fight the devil himself for her but pouring it out in words was hard. I suppose that is why I am so embarrassed with the out pour in my office with Vic. I couldn't help myself from saying it and I am confused by it.

I pulled into the long driveway of Lizzie's cabin. Boy she has a beautiful spread. I see her Cherokee and know she is at home. I turn off the Bullet's engine and sit and look at the front door. I can feel my heart beating because I am nervous. I don't want to hurt her that much I know. I take a deep breath, pull the keys out of the ignition, and open the door steadying my hat on my head. I make my way up to the front door and knock ever so gently. I think about the first knock on this door with Vic by my side. Lizzie's first words to me, "Boy you are a tall drink of water." Lizzie opened the door and I could tell she had been crying. Her beautiful blues were red and puffy and she wasn't smiling at me.

I took my hat off and gripped it for dear life in my hands, "Hi, Lizzie. I was wondering if maybe we can talk a bit?"

She stepped back and opened the heavy custom wood door a little more and I walked past her into the foyer.

"You want a cup of coffee? I was just making some for myself."

"Yeah, that would be great. Thanks." I was bad at this. What the hell and I going to do. I was rapidly weighing all the options and trying not to make it worse.

"Listen, Lizzie. I know you are pretty upset about last night but I you need to know that haven't lied to you. There's nothing going on with me and Vic."

"Walt, I would be lying if I said I wasn't upset because I am and like I said last night I expected it but I just really thought that you were a real man and when the time came I figured you would tell me but after I thought about it some more last night I realized that you don't tell me a damn thing and you don't owe me a damn thing. Why should I expect otherwise from you?"

I stood there knowing she had me dead to rights.

"Lizzie, I am sorry for being such an asshole. I am confused over my seemingly inability to become intimate with you. I mean you are amazing."

I felt a nervous smile begin to surface on my face. I looked her in the eye refusing to break my glare and I stepped forward closing the gulf between us. Lizzie was backed against the kitchen counter and listening with her head down. She looked up as I reached out to touch her arm.I cleared my throat just a little and said, "The only thing I can offer you is the truth and the truth is I can't give you what you want. Not right now. It doesn't mean that I don't want you to be a part of my life."

She began to speak and I gently raised my right hand and stopped her, "I have to get this out while I can. I don't know how you and I fit. I don't know if we can fit but what I do know is that Vic is a part of my life, Lizzie. She probably always will be and if that will be a problem for you then it is a problem for whatever we are. I'm not sleeping with her and I have no intention of sleeping with her. She is a married woman and I may not be a lot of things but I am not a liar"

Lizzie looked at me and paused before she spoke. I was falling into her omniscient pools of blue when she said, "Do you love her?"

The words constricted my throat. Here was the question I dreaded. "Walt, are you in love with Vic?" I remained silent as I looked deeper and stood closer. I paused, "It doesn't matter what I feel about Vic I just know that I don't want to hurt you. I don't know how to say it any other way."

"I think you just did."


	5. Chapter 5

As I drove Bullet back to the converted library, now Sheriff's station, I felt pretty lousy about the whole thing. Despite my best intentions Lizzie really did not want to see me anymore. I can't blame her at all. I wasn't good boyfriend material. Besides I'm too damn old to be anyone's boyfriend. What kind of stupid name is that for a man my age? I laughed and thought of Vic, "You don't have to date someone to sleep with them." Well, I suppose this qualifies as one of those times. It was my first and my last time doing this sorta thing. I don't feel particularly good about myself right now.

I rumble past the parking lot of the Red Pony and think of stopping but I know Henry will see right through me and I don't want to talk about it. Any of it. I pull into my parking spot and amble up the front steps. I walk past my deputies and Ruby and straight into my office closing the door behind me. As I take off my hat and coat I hear the door creak open.

"You ok?" Vic has her hands by her side slowly rubbing her palms down the side as if she is scared of me.

"Yup."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Nope"

"Is this how it's gonna be"

"Suppose"

"Ok…..hum Walt…we still friends?"

"Yup, and that's all." I couldn't look at her when I said it because she would know it is total bullshit. "Is that it?"

"Yeah, I guess so." She walked out of my office closing the door behind her.

Damn it Vic. I never expected you. I never expected to feel this way.


	6. Chapter 6

_Vic's perspective_

I gently close the door to Walt's office and turn toward the three sets of eyes staring at me. I just shrug my shoulders as if I didn't know which I really don't. Branch piped up, "Nothing, eh?"

"Nope"

As I sit back down at my desk, I pretend to read a case file. I'm going through the motions because I don't know what else to do. I ache inside. I ache for him and for me. Obviously, it had not gone well at Lizzie's. I wish I had someone to talk to about all this. Hell, the closest thing I have to a girlfriend is Ferg. I am pathetic. I look over at Ferg making a fishing lour. I shake my head as I kind of laugh to myself. Just pathetic.

I know these guys think I am all butch all the fuckin' time. I can see it when they look at me. I think that is what I noticed first. I caught Walt looking at me when I was shooting that crossbow with Omar.

When I hit that bullseye on my first try I heard Walt unexpectedly say, "great shot" and when I looked over he was smiling. I had never seen him smile at me, never. He looked at me, as if he really saw me and recognized something familiar looking back.

It's why I get so nervous at his gazes. He sees through me. See's my weakness, my pain, my desires. It's what we don't talk about and now that it's all out in the open I want to run. I want to flee from what I feel and what I think. I want it to all be normal again. I can't take it back and snatch my words out of the atmosphere.

None of it makes sense. I look across at Branch and smile slightly hoping my feelings aren't plastered all over my face. I can tell by his non-reaction that I am safe from discovery.

I hear his grumbly baritone voice in my head as I sit and look out of the window, "Vic, I can't have you. You don't belong to me and as much as I want you….and I do want you Victoria Moretti….we can never have this conversation again."

Yup, never again.


	7. Chapter 7

I sat down in my office chair and laid my head down on my desk scuffing my ropers, again. Exhausted. Emotionally drained. I am not built for this sorta thing. I think about Martha and how much I miss her. It doesn't hurt as bad and each day it gets a little easier to think about her. I wonder if I would want Vic if Martha was still alive? What a strange question to ask myself. I tell my brain not to go into that territory but it seems to do what it wants lately. It's like I have held on to my thoughts so long and so tight they are pushing their way out and overflowing into my consciousness. I can't hold them back anymore and they wander around going any direction they feel like.

Martha and I didn't have a perfect marriage but who does? Ours was pretty damn good. I lay there thinking how she gave up on me telling her how I felt. I think about Cady and how I almost ruined the best thing in my life because I just keep it in. It's what I do. It's what men are supposed to do. Well, men my age and of my generation. It's what makes me who I am. I don't want to be some sorta soft blithering emotional wreck. I know I am being dramatic but damn it. I'm mad. I'm mad at my longing and desire for someone I can't have and shouldn't want.

I'm mad because I can't control it.

Walt, ol' boy, this thing will ruin you if you let it.

I can't take back what I said and I am mostly mad about that. What kind of weak ass display was that? I never talk like that. Ever. I'm mad at myself for telling Vic all the things I felt inside having never said those things to my Martha. This girl has a hold on me that I didn't expect and don't necessarily want but it is there.

I can hear the clock ticking on my desk as I try to settle my mind wishing I could just disappear and erase the day. My mind quiets and begins to settle. As I begin to drift my mind wanders back around betraying me. I think of lying in Vic's arms and it feels good.

Damn it.


	8. Chapter 8

As I reconcile my thoughts and give myself a pep talk about the events of the past 24 hours, I hear Ruby on the telephone and my intercom buzz through. "Walt, I have Mathias on the line. I don't know what it's about he will only talk to you."

"Ok, Ruby." I sigh and force myself to calmness. Tensions between us have always existed and I know that I have to maintain some semblance of professionalism with him. Besides, when it gets right down to the nitty gritty I think Mathias will back my play especially if it benefits him. I sigh and pick up the receiver.

"Mathias."

I could hear him clear his throat subtly on the other end of the phone.

"Sheriff."

"What can I do for you?"

"I have a problem here at the Rez and I was wondering if I could call upon your professional courtesy and ask for a little assistance."

"What is it?"

"This Federal government shut down means the B.I.A. isn't issuing paychecks. No paycheck means no one is workin' except me. Now, Sheriff, I'm not pointing fingers or placing blame I just need to solve another problem created by the man."

"I suppose I'm the man that can help you, though?"

"Well in a manner of speaking. You see I have a fugitive in custody that I need to get to the Capitol for arraignment but I don't have the man power and all the Feds that are working are staying close to home which means I have to transport the prisoner."

"Why can't you just sit tight on your prisoner until the shutdown is over? It's not bound to last forever."

"Sheriff, I don't think it would be in our best interests to wait."

"Our best interests, just who do you have in custody?"

"Sheila Golden Eagle"

I paused remembering the past and how Sheila was both an inspiration and a conspirator against the U.S. Government. Sheila was mixed up in revolutionary Marxist activism in the late 70's and the F.B.I. had long suspected she was part of a group that planted a pipe bomb at the B.I.A. office in Washington. "How do you know it's her?"

"She walked in and surrendered. She said she was here to make peace with her past."

I felt the tickle on the back of my neck. The one that tells me when things are wrong. All wrong.

"Unless things have changed I have to send Vic to help you transport since you have a female prisoner. I suppose that is what you called to ask me."

"Not exactly, Sheriff. I'm asking you to transport the prisoner for me. I have to stay here and mind the Rez. Like I said, I'm the only one working. I gotta get Sheila outta here before word gets around she is in custody. Otherwise we will have nothing short of a rebellion here"

I paused knowing that Mathias was right about one thing. He had to get Sheila out of there fast. As much as I didn't like Mathias I couldn't make him a fattened calf for the slaughter.

"I'll have Vic and Branch drive Sheila up to Cheyenne."

"I appreciate that Sheriff but I only trust you to deliver her to the proper authorities. I don't exactly trust Branch because in my very humble opinion he is too close to Jacob Nighthorse and I don't know who Sheila was here to visit. Jacob is about as close to a revolutionary you're gonna find these days and Ferg...is well Ferg...so he isn't really an option. Now, I know all the rules, seein' as how she is a female prisoner and all but, I don't trust anyone else. If I lose her, I might as well kiss what career I have good-bye and look for another place to live and as desolate as it is this is my home. "

Mathias didn't know what he was asking of me. I paused as a little bit of terror hit my consciousness. Mathias noticed the hesitation.

"If you get her to Cheyenne they will hold her there and once this Federal government betrayal, I mean shut down is over, the Feds will transport her to the FCI in Tucson."

I knew I needed to say yes but I was not prepared to drive for 8 hours in Bullet with Vic and Sheila Golden Eagle the most wanted female fugitive of a generation.

"I just want to know one thing Mathias"

"Shoot"

"Did Sheila admit to the bombings?"

"She said she was engaged in active warfare against an occupying state of oppression and that standing idly by while being victimized by American terrorists cloaked as capitalist was not an option."

"I take that as a, yes?"

"Take it anyway you want. That was verbatim"

Shit. I thought to myself. The Rez will riot and Mathias doesn't have help.

"Mathias, no bullshit on this one, we do this my way or we don't do it at all."

"I wouldn't expect to have it any other way. I assume you want to leave this afternoon. I will have all the paperwork done and have her ready for travel."

"Ok, we will be there no later than noon to pick her up."

"Walt. Thank you." The line went dead. I think that's the first time he has called me Walt. He must really be scared.

I had a knot in my stomach the size of Cominskey Park. Even my stomach realized I was more afraid of Vic than one of the F.B.I.'s most wanted.

I opened my door and yelled, "Vic!"


	9. Chapter 9

Vic scrambles up to my doorway with a look of distress. She stands in the frame of the door with her legs slightly apart and her arms folded over her breasts. She is in fight mode. I can't blame her and I can't help but notice how beautiful she is in the silhouette of morning light. A natural beauty. Her hair pulled back no in particular style and no effort toward adornments. I'm pretty sure wars have been started over women less spectacular than the feisty one standing in front of me ready for battle. I broke my spell.

"That was Mathias. He's got a serious transport problem with a female prisoner. " At that she rolled her blues up toward the sky. "We are gonna transport the prisoner to Cheyenne."

"Wait, Walt. How come he can't transport her?"

I walk toward the door as Vic pivots on one foot not leaving the frame of the door. She forces me to pass her as I make my way into the lobby. I walk by her just as natural as sunrise and my hand gently rests on her waist as I do. As I step into the lobby I think for a moment if anyone notices or cares about the familiarity I have with my deputy?

"Listen up. I just hung up with Mathias. This quasi-federal shutdown has him between a rock and a hard place out at the Rez. He has a prisoner, Sheila Golden Eagle, and Vic and I are gonna transport her up to Cheyenne."

Ruby sighed. I turned and she said, "Walt. Is it her?"

"He seems to think so."

"Oh, my. "

Branch seemed to awaken, "Walt, is that the same gal my uncle used to talk about? Started all that trouble up in D.C.?"

"Yup. I want you and the Ferg to keep things buttoned up here and if Mathias needs help I want you guys to help him but and I mean this stay loose. I don't want you getting sucked into Rez business. I don't feel too good about the circumstances and I want you two to pay attention to what the hell is going on." I knew I could trust both of them. With all the difficulties Branch and I had I knew he wasn't stupid just young.

"Branch, I don't want you rushing into anything, you hear me?"

"Loud and clear." I could see why my daughter loved him. He had a quality about him that was sure and true. With time, I knew they would be ok especially since I got out of the way. Even when I had my doubts about him he had proven to me, he wanted to keep Cady safe and protect her. I knew if something happened to me that, she would be ok with him and that gave me a sense of comfort about the whole thing.

Ferg piped up, "Walt, we will be ok here." He gave a simple nod of his head with his lips pursed tightly on his round face. I looked over at Ruby. She had a nervous smile on her face.

"Vic, go home and get some gear for a couple of days meet me back at the station in an hour. I want to be on the road with Sheila Golden Eagle by noon. "

I turned to go back to my office and yelled over my shoulder, "Get goin' we're burnin' daylight!"

I made a couple of phone calls and then lit out for my place. I shoved an extra shirt, undershirt, toiletry kit, two pairs of socks, and underwear in a small duffle bag along with a Smith and Wesson .357 two-inch barrel 5-shot revolver. I grabbed the two boxes of +P+ rounds and threw them in the duffel. I lit out back toward the station stopping only to fill the tank of the Bullet with gas.

I walked into the station, into my office, and took a few boxes of .306 ammunition. I tossed two boxes to Vic. As we headed out I ambled over to Ruby's desk, took off my hat, and kissed her on the forehead. "See you in a couple of days old woman."

"Be careful, you two"

Vic turned to look at Ruby as I put my hat back on, "We will."

Vic shouted out, "Sooooo looonng suckas." I could hear them laughing as we walked out of the station. As we pulled away, we were both quiet, the adrenaline was starting to dissipate as I ran through every conceivable scenario in my head. I paid attention to the prickly hairs on my neck and I knew something wasn't right. It was all a bit too easy. Not only did I have Sheila to worry about I have Vic and our situation weighing heavily on my mind. I look over at Vic who was staring out of the passenger window. I was wondering what she is thinking.

I hear her sigh and ask "You alright?"

"Yup, just a little tired."

I am relieved at her response. She smiles at me and I look out of the window because I am too afraid to say anything to her. I said too much already – words that never should have left my lips.

We are silent all the way to the Rez.


	10. Chapter 10

I don't know how we are going to drive 5 hours without talking to each other but I know his silences are legendary. "I'm thinking. I like to do that sometimes before I talk." How can I forget those words and he had a lot to say earlier so I am sure he's thinking about this thing we have.

We pick up Sheila Bad Ass from the Rez without a hitch. We head down I 25 toward Cheyenne. It's quiet as a church mouse and all you can hear are the tires treading the highway. After a couple of hours Sheila pipes up and asks, "You two married?"

Walt looks in the rearview mirror and doesn't say a word.

"You must be married."

I pipe up, "No, we're not married we're just quiet Sheila. Take it as a polite hint."

Sheila laughs. I decide that I don't like her much. I look out the window into a vast sea of dirt. There isn't shit out here but fuckin' rocks. I really miss Philly and my family. I hate this dirt ridden oversized wild animal huntin' state but what compels me to stay is the man sitting next to me.

"Walt, you want me to drive for a while?"

"Nope."

This silence is a bitch. I look out the window at one dirt rock formation after another and start to doze.

I never fuckin' saw it coming. The Bullet swerved and my head hit the window. Sheila had slipped her cuffs and had her wrists locked around Walt's throat. He had one hand on the steering wheel trying to keep us on the road and the other he was trying to get between his throat and her forearm.

I jump in the backseat and start beatin' the shit out of Sheila. Trying to knock this bitch unconscious and release her grip on Walt. She is one tough old lady. She's not giving up. As she chokes Walt she tries to kick me and the Bullet is swerving back and forth on the road. Walt manages to say, "Vic. 7-8-9" My mind flashed and I braced myself as Walt slammed on the brakes and ducked down in the seat, as Sheila propelled forward. She landed in between the front seat and the dashboard. Her body was sprawled about with her feet in the air. She was out cold.

"I'm glad I remembered 7-8-9 braking from the academy, Walt. Since the rest of the free fuckin' world has ABS!" I straightened myself out as Walt pulled over to the side of the road.

He got out of the Bronco and walked around to the passenger door. He leaned in past Sheila and asked me "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine just pissed the fuck off."

Walt turned back toward Sheila. "She's out cold. Let's put her in back and you ride back there with her."

I climbed out to help him and when my feet hit the ground Walt turned toward me and gently touched the bump on my head. "I'm sorry, Vic. I'm sorry I didn't have you sit with her the whole way."

"You're sorry? I'm sorry I fell asleep. I didn't do my job..you know..watching your back and all."

We moved Sheila to the backseat and Walt stood facing me, we were just inches apart closest to the door jam. He looked a little flustered as he placed his hand on my forearm, "Vic, I want to apologize for being so quiet. For the first time in my life I don't know what to do and I feel so unsure of myself." He looked deeply into my eyes not averting any attention away from me. "I have always known what kind of man I am." He smiled that half smile which let me know he was nervous. "The fact that I want to love you ….and to be with you….when I know I can't sort of rocks me off my foundation and I don't know what to do with all of it."

I looked down, my chin nearly touching my chest, and I filled my lungs with cold Wyoming air. I looked up and put my hands on his forearms as we stood there, silent. I looked at Walt and was overcome with the desire to put my arms around his neck which I did. We held each other for a few minutes and I said softly, "Walt, thank you for loving me."

I moved my arms back down and held his hands in mine. Walt looked at me and said, "You are welcome, Vic. Another time. Another place. That's how the saying goes."

I stood up on my tip-toes and kissed his lips very gently. "The thing is; I love you, too and this is another time and another place at least for me." Walt smiles, that rare full smile that shows just how handsome he really is, and he leaned down to kiss me very softly.

"Walt, I don't want you to change who you are 'cause that would mean you would change what I love about you. I just need you to be my best friend like you are now. Nothing complicated. No temptations. Just knowing you love me is enough for me. I gotta figure out what I have left of my marriage and this will give me the strength to do what I need to do with Sean. I know it sounds weird."

"I understand, actually."

I smiled and said, "We better hit the road before Sheila wakes up." I turned and looked and she was still out. Walt decided he would prefer me up front so he shackled her legs and cuffed her to the hand pull above her head. There was no way she was going to choke anyone now.

We climbed back into the Bullet and Walt headed out back down I 25. He looked over at me and I smiled as he winked his right eye and took my left hand in his. We stayed that way all the way to Cheyenne and it felt good. I felt good about myself and about our situation. Loving your best friend is easy. I just hope leaving my husband will be the same.


End file.
